i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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