Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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