dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
