I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
