Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
