I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
