I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
