i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
