Cold hands, warm shart.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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