I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
