is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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