i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Four minutes until I can fart!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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