he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
