We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
