i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
