after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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