Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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