is your mom at the bar?
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
