I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
