We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
