I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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