I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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