Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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