Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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