I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize