So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
