I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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