We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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