He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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