i jhust puked up my retainher.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
