I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm both gender and math confused
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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