eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
