We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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