I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
