everyone is single if you try hard enough
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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