oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
