Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
