If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
