apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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