hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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