Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
