its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
