i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
