Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
