The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
