remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
