i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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