my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize