either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm really busy with my period
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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