just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
