So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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