don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
