I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
