Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
