She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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