dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
