You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
