You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
