I hate all girls vehemently.
Just cropdusted the office
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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