Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
