I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
as a side note pls kill me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
