Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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