Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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