Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
